New layout

Tonight’s composition was accompanied by a 46” LCD TV, sitting at a distance far from the screen with a mixed feeling. I actually miss my blog previous layout, viridian-green themed Sydney Opera House to now a crimson-red Golden Gate Bridge. I have been considering the possibility of changing theme for sometime, finally I did it now.

Such change put me into thought, when and how this blog was born? My first ever blog kicked off in Friendster, then Xanga and these are the two that propelled me into here in the name of Luvprada.

Blog moved, but I still hold to my belief that I am self-indulgent to think everyone else in the worlds cares enough to read what I am writing here. I do not retract my original theory being a self-aggrandising act born of hubris because this is how my blog has evolved. My reframing of my opinion is the consequence of my exploration of everything in life, particularly relationships with lovers, family, friends and even foes. Committing myself here for public consumption on an update-sometimes basis is a good practice to keep friends updated, share thoughts, voice out, tell things that I would not tell in person and for years to come, recollecting thoughts that were forgotten, recalling those compelling words that simply instantaneous, regaining those insightful perspective due to my location, experience that varies through time.

From “Life in Sydney” to “Heading to San Francisco”...

So what might you expect from this metamorphosed blog? I honestly do not know. For sure, there will be sad and sweet love stories as usual from the perspective of a sentimental human being, continuation of reflection on previous relationships, albeit there is uncertainty in where I am heading to next. San Francisco is merely a nice city that I been to, loved and would definitely love to settle down.

But for now, expect to read about the success in submitting a doctoral dissertation followed up by an awesome graduation.

Mumble from CFD laboratory

My decision to stay in this university upon graduation to continue a research degree can be seen as some kind of inchoate expressions of a yearning for, to be someone, someone who is something-expertise.

I could never have guessed how much I would be motivated by a great dense to be an eccentric having went through my childhood in a woefully broken culture, then spent my teenage period stricken with the infirmities in a broken education system that I could not have begun to guess what grandeur my life might hold.

Till late 2007, I have been trying to develop my eccentricity and to avoid the entrapment of comfort zone. My path as an international scholar has taught me that sacred Malaysian Chinese can be as valuable as the sacred local despite being marginalised in the home country. I am profoundly grateful this is what I was made from, and where I came from, the place where I learned to live comfortable, unlearned the lies that misinformed me of my inadequacy, and I saw my image in the mirror with clarity.

Since 2006, I scaled ivory towers to pillage knowledge, on what I thought I have missed in the young age for personal evolution and gain. I have learned to dissent between me and my ex-classmates as well as uni mates, but I do mediate these, bridging the connection to prevent the schism that absence may create.

Then starting 2008, I involved myself in this Computational Fluid Dynamics laboratory. This laboratory has endowed me with great knowledge, equipped me with sceptical thinking throughout years of research experience. Today, not too far down the road, I will be able to refashion myself. In my lexicon, I am the senior batch among other researchers in the lab excluding those post doctoral fellows.

Mumble in the dark...

Lately, I started to develop hatred towards two of my supervisors who actually cheated on me. Also, for the first week, I started to feel that I could have achieved much more if it were without their self-centered supervisions which were concerned with their own interests. I am getting more and more pissed off having stranded in this laboratory that does not promise me anything more than a dissertation.

My main supervisor

These got me into deep thought, which path and what’s next that I should move on.

Despite all this, I am lucky to have this Malaysian co-supervisor who helped me and guided me a lot. I see my relationship with him as a symbiosis, based on the root of mutualism where we were originated from the same country. I am the one who brought him in indirectly to this academic field from the Australian Nuclear Science and Technology industry whereas he is one who constantly advise and lead me to the end of this research journey. To Assoc. Prof. G.H. Yeoh, thank you.

淡淡的忧伤

夏天的一阵风起，微凉却心寒。

路上行走，我看见自己的倒影，看似忧伤，无端触动心底那处柔弱。多愁善感，对感情细腻的男生来说，便是扯动了神经里最敏感的那根弦。

今夜里，我听不见那动人的曲子，尽管我神经的弦已响起，轻叹为何听见的是响亮没有线条的言语，我无言以对，因为我曾经奏出这般搓调。那一瞬间，我还是淡定的，淡定却只维持了几秒，随后淡淡的忧伤索绕心头，思绪是如此纠结。



回顾之前的宣言，得到舒适的温慰，愿这一刻的忧伤，只是心情的一次出走。