Darkness in the Spring

Darkness touches all of our lives, and some of us embrace it more intimately than others.

I have long felt that I am one that has been called to work at night, at times, within the veils of life's dusk and murk. I am stuck in the Southern Hemisphere, the spring equinox has heralded the time putting an end to the chilly winter and obscurity. My body begins to sense the generation of heat that was once burrowed down under.

I am merely lost in the musings of what my repeated and unbidden sense of foreboding today might mean. I am actually a remarkably ecstatic human being, no longer prone to the loneliness I felt as one being initiated into a life of navigating the turbid, composting cycles.

Tonight, I got lost in 徐佳莹mournful croon, 绿洲. To not let the dark envelope me into gloom, I knew I needed a remedy. I took tonight off from all responsibilities, and I tended to myself.

I treated myself with a cup of chamomile tea, hoping it would relieve my sleeplessness and anxiety. I infused and drank hot, sipped deep. And I spent time at my own, writing this blog.

Special Gift

It was Friday morning, 8am. Another morning I found myself lethargic when those rays of light pour through my window as the sun creeps above the ridge line in the east.

It is spring now. The gloomy winter has gone together with the departure of Vixon.

This morning, however I woke up with an email alert telling me I just received a parcel. Yes, a mystery gift.

It is totally out of my expectation, till after I collected it, I was so overwhelmed with anticipation. The excitement when I was about to open it was enormous.

Guess what, a Pooh box and three pair of chopsticks, Pooh, Rat (my Chinese zodiac), and Lee (my surname).



Your gift did exchange with exhilarating smile of mine and joy in my eyes when I know I received it along with that a piece of your heart.

I am type of person who easily contented with small little thing, I hold on to my tradition and resist the global policy of mercantilism. Ctj2000 asked me once, between LV and pooh, which one you would choose and you would be more likely to enjoy it when it comes to gift. Definitely, absolutely the latter.

Thank heaps to Gil!

Vixon's departure

The moment I came back to my workplace from airport, I was actually exhausted and on the verge of tears.

We had great fun staying up the night before, another farewell party for him. We cooked, we played Assassination of Three Kingdoms, we laughed and we had fun.

Workload and the departure of him, the latter drove me nut.

While I was on my way home from Anzac Parade leading to Barker Street, I was struck with it again. I was struck by my sense of foreboding, it felt premature.

It was almost 7pm, not an uncommon hour for me to have taken dinner with him, back in last couple of years. Once more I felt a tinge of fear. It is heading into twilight and I was a lone human traversing university campus, only I felt I wasn’t alone.

I switched on my laptop and thought deeply as I sat down, the typical phenomenon of my overactive mind going into complete overdrive when there is no other verbal traffic to interfere, and pondered why the departure of his necessitated I feel this sneaking sense of dread.

I was thinking about what it means to miss someone. What is it about close proximity that heals the hole in our hearts that distance creates?

Our friendship started off in the maple garden. A genuine friendship often requires a coincidence or two. Initiative apparently, has been a violation of some fundamental principle to which I tenaciously subscribed. You have affirmed my worth once, and whittled away at my self-centeredness.

We laughed at the same things, most of the time hysterically and at a very high note. We could say anything we felt to each other and be understood. These are memories that cannot be duplicated in the later years. These memories are simply too good to forget.

Now, I weep in genuine grief because I know we would no longer be able to be together openly. Our friendship could only be enjoyed spatially and at a distance. The prevailing thought being, I lost a flexible lunch buddy as well.


Some pics of ours to share...

Our first ever trip - blue mountain, Feb 2009

Our first ever cooking - Surry hill, April 2009

Our first ever trip by plane - Melbourne, July 2009

Kiama, June 2010

Then we just get closer and closer...