What relationship means to me is an alternating emotions of love and enmity. In certain occasion, it could happen concurrently. This encompassing definition of relationship that I subscribed may occur when I have lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other.



When a relationship is new and shiny, I perceive my beloved to be surrounded by an otherworldly aura, devoid of imperfections. Forsaking all others, I cannot get enough of this dazzling newness. Once the affair is no longer fresh and dewy, there exists the distinct possibility for disillusionment. I start wondering how I didn't notice certain things—or perhaps I actually noticed them but things I saw earlier are not what they look like. Horrible truths come out and they then begin to drive me crazy.

The truth is, when I have been around the block a few times, I tend to be cynical about affairs of my heart. Love sneaks up and whacks me upside the head. And there am I, wandering around in a blissful haze, totally besotted.

I have no control over my feelings. As much as I phrase this as an excuse to indulge myself in a love affair, as far as I let myself expose to the possibility of emotionally devastating disaster. People do not just fall in love with no will or intention or choice in the matter. People certainly fall into feelings of affection for others and may find themselves inextricably and powerfully drawn to other human beings, but that is not the equivalent of loving them. To love someone you must act.