Suddenly in the middle of adolescene

The hot sultry weather these days make me feel nostalgic for my recent trips back to Malaysia, Hong Kong and particularly a trip to Bangkok. Two weeks has now gone and I have been pretty much spending time fantasizing about what has happened back in my trips. I am glad that the trips somehow turn me away from my agonizing depression to current ebullient stage.

Life was a breeze then – the biggest decision was who you actually opted as your travel companions yet the biggest problem was the sweet torture of wondering if a certain one returned puppy love feelings. Life felt full of promise and choices.

17 Nov 2012

There was an unexpected catch up with Macho and Phoebe, both still as charming as ever. I recalled back the foolish game I have once played. As palpable as the instantaneous attraction was, the most overwhelming feeling was annoyance. I called it unparalleled annoyance that time. It was those days when I was so desperate in reaching it, only to have it slip through my fingers in the last second. I truly enjoyed the short catch up with both of them, particularly Macho’s remarks on people and things happened around. Those remarks came from him were simply so him yet mimicked the edgy undercurrent of my personality.

22 Nov 2012

I was up in the air with PC. The trip was planned with much anticipation. I was wondering how it will turn out the moment we met. It was some sort of balance and order that lurking inside me, that wild, beloved chaos theory that gave rise to the exquisite fractal rebelling. I was hoping I wouldn't swing my own pendulum too far destroying the balance in which I supposedly believed by believing in it too vehemently. Having gone through my adolescence that differ from most people, I have been all but wallowing in the pain of lost love and of unkept promises.

24 nov 2012

I had whale of time. Trip ended with his shadow that would re-projected into my thought in the next few years at least. Enjoy with PC around really despite the disappointment that our contact was restricted to merely shoulder and arm. Some parts of me are wishing that I were at PC's age, can go through what he has gone through.

Somehow I enjoyed the moment when public attentions were diverted to PC with me around. People are bestowed with different things in life. I got some intelligence, an above average look, some attention, I should be contented with so. While some people are born with that kind of look, attractive physical attribute, yet short of the achievement that can ever attained in life. When the very two distinguished personalities met, both with different built, there was not any spark, albeit I wish I could have some with PC really. Like I said, there is a time and a need for balance, fortunately I have not gone overboard this trip.

There was this little vignette in the trip. We were sitting in a cafe hiding in far end of the chatuchak market. A mint flavoured tea and Jazz music in the air took me through nostalgic moment with Tao back in 2002. I rang up Tao, on a moment like this. Tao can still recognise my voice, and remember me. Sometimes life isn't just perfect having the little memory on someone you have once liked, perhaps still like in these days? I have a moment of serenity and the syrup added to the mint tea further tickled my sense.

On the other side of the trip, D did pop up in my mind when I was drunk in the club. We shared too many memories, and I can barely stop seeing our footprints that was once engraved in this city. I will never ever forget the first time we visited here, utterly enchanted and enthralled to think that we would have came here together again and again in the future. The night in the club was all about memory flashing by, tear flowing down, mercilessly sneaking into my fragile mind. I was so invulnerable once, and I still...

Towards the end of the trip, I was totally unaware that I was wearing PC’s jumper in the remaining two hours that concluded the journey up in the sky. I felt great with PC sitting next to me. I treasured every single second with PC and enjoying the scene that he got tipsy at high altitudes. I started to wonder when will I have this chance again in future and will such feeling ever go away? Will I ever meet PC again in such occurrence? Probably PC would have forgotten me sooner or later. Nevertheless, I am contented having granted these three days that simply not meant to last. It is flabbergasted to find out that what I like about PC the moment we stumbled across to now ending a trip remain the same, both the thought and the feeling.

It is over now, yet I am still overwhelmed in it. I am grateful for the opportunity to live every minute of it. I have come this far.