A diverging and converging path

Ever since I picked the path to pursue an engineering degree, I have then considered a career in engineering, thrive on problem solving. I have spent a bit of time exploring this broad field, and I figured out in the early age that I gonna do something mechanical. I have never expected that I would end up now in academia, stranded in the ivory tower ever since. This post is nothing about venting, but it is a perspective that I would like to share, probably for one to move forward productively if stranded somewhere for whatsoever reason. 

Last summer heralded the culmination of years of hard works when I submitted my thesis in August 2011 and then passed the viva with minor correction and eventually awarded Doctor of Philosophy in Engineering towards the end of 2011. Prior to my submission, I received a tenure track offer in my school and immediately sucked into its clutches as a full-time teaching and research based staff a week after. The process of correcting my thesis was indeed a piece of cake and I did it in a relax manner knowing that I can do it slow as I have a job to cover my bills and I needed not to join the unemployed masses like others. Life was indeed a blessing and perhaps I took life too easy. It was time I told myself: this is going to be temporarily and I will job hunt for more promising careers very soon. 

Job hunting processes commenced early this year and I considered myself quite lucky to receive couple of offers. There were a Research Scientist position offered in CSIRO in Melbourne, then a Post-doctoral fellow in A*star Singapore followed by. Despite the inspiring job titles, both were less attractive in terms of pay in relative to the time and effort. After some thoughts that involved great agitation and soul-searching, I turned down the offers while some of my friends were striking hard to get a job upon the awards of their degrees. It is dreadful to think that one have to hide his/her PhD in order to get a job, more humiliatingly to apply for unskilled job and things get even awful when those other who left university with Bachelor degree have been in professional jobs for the last few years. 

My attempt in seeking job ceased then. Months has then gone and I have this little trick in mind that put me to the scene comparing what I currently possessed and what my ex-coursemates have accomplished in living after a 4 years gap. I started to wonder if my effort is worthwhile and there was a point of time my own thinking had been skewed. It seemed that it has never been the case that doing a PhD will automatically result in a good job, in the same way that doing an undergraduate degree won't necessarily result in one having a graduate job. I was still thinking to jump from academia once I can adequately cross package my skills and experiences. 

Life goes on and I spent the second half of the year in 2012 aimlessly. The miserable academic life make me depressed about being undervalued, and going slowly stir crazy as my intellectual skills atrophied. I firmly believe a PhD differentiates me from other graduates. I was so ambitious once that I thought I could do something remarkable with my PhD. There was a period I hide myself among people who are too distracted to interfere with the way I was constructing myself in the present, too lost amid contending trivialities to cultivate the searing perceptiveness that is needed for field-changing insights and the transformative work of teaching. It was hard for academic like me to live in the present because nearly all academic lead lives of deferred gratification. It is an inherent condition of the academic path from childhood forward. Instead of playing like others, I studied, instead of partying, I cultivated mentors. When my contemporaries began careers and families, I remained in the university, spending my mid 20s in relative poverty and uncertainty, thinking all the time of how I could be better off at some point in my 30s. 

After 7 years in Australia, I guess I have been pretty much adapted to the laidback lifestyle that I could not possibly seek one any place else in the world, a place of endless barbeques, where the sun’s always shining and the beach always beckoning. It is not about laziness or lack of productivity, but more on a balanced lifestyle between recreation and work. Somehow, I feel that I am contented with my life and I would like to settle down. This is contradictory to my initial thought. It led me then to the feeling of wondering if I have wasted years of my life, money, effort, etc striking so hard for this ultimate degree yet now chosen an easy path. 

I spoke to one of my old friend lately who is now in her final stage of PhD, we both came to an agreement that if we were to re-do the whole PhD, we really doubt if we can complete it. It is an extraordinary difficulty path. I feel bestowed that I have gone through it and I am done with it. Undeniably, it is a remarkable achievement in life and if it is to be weighted in figure, it is less than 1% in the world. The problem solving skill that I have acquired could be easily better than anyone else having gone through such long periods of tough training. It is simply massive logistical advance planning and preparation, and ongoing strategizing, and realistic goals, and a strong ethic of self-care and self-protection apart from the knowledge itself. 

Today, I see my path as an academic as a life affirming and joyful one. Being a singleton, I shall rejoice given the opportunity to start my careers in an expensive city with abundant intellectual and cultural resources away from cash-strapped family members, for pragmatic reasons, be great thrilled. I have now a decent starting salary, start-up packages, and most plausibly an internal research grant awarded to me as sole researcher in 2013. I am affirmed that I am doing what I truly want now and the blessings are indeed upon my head. I am ascertained I will proceed armed in 2013 and no longer with self-delusion, but with knowledge and a promising plan. What’s about my ultimate career goal? I shall devote time to produce groundbreaking research. I will boost up my speed in developing my track record, i.e. publishing a large number or journals.