Apart from teaching, marking and my research works, my thoughts revolved around only one thing. You. You went around in redundant circles, spinning my heart into an agonized frenzy. I did forcing myself to do anything to keep me occupied, just to keep my sanity.
I feel like running for my life, running away from all the harrowing torturous thoughts and into the arms of someone, anyone, who actually cares and willing to catch me before this falling through a bottomless crevice drives me insane.
I feel like stay in bed all day, chasing after sleep. Whenever my mind is not occupied with works, it hurts, too much to be awake. The only way to narrow down our proximity: nothing but to have you appeared in my dream. When I am dreaming I have you, and I cannot bear to be wrenched from the safety of your embrace every time my eyelids flutter open.
At this point of time, I hope I am really into the position of cessation in caring on you. Time trickles by much too slow. I want to blink all the suffering away. I do not want to love or hate, I want to feel indifference. That is when all ties will truly be severed. That is when I really would have pushed you out of my heart and thought, when it is really over, when you are really dead to me.
1 comment:
Stop caring is not easy. But sometimes we really have to force ourselves to do so.
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