I am 26

Yep, I just turned 26. A year passed a quarter of a century. I defy the fact that I will march into 30s soon, though a quarter of my life has gone by indeed, holding on the theory that I may live to be a centenarian.

I miss writing for myself so much that it is my gift to myself today to make time to write just for me and put aside for university works, the research works, the rest of life that seems to always supersede this craft that I cherish so much.

I find myself all caught up in self-reflection.

I could never ever have guesses, how much I would enjoy my adulthood than I did my childhood. I was so doom and gloom as a youngster, stricken with the infirmities in a broken town in a woefully broken culture, that I could not have begun to guess what grandeur my life might hold. But, I am profoundly grateful this is what I was made from, and where I came from, the place where I learned to live comfortable, unlearned the lies that misinformed me of my inadequacy, and I saw my image in the mirror with clarity.

Now I look back my years in OZ land. At 23, I undertook my prestigious PhD, and now I sit amidst the last semester of my graduate program, I realise that it is not terribly surprising that I made it this far. I give great thanks to how much I have been enriched with university experiences, veer in between students and academics, a little maturity but not too much. I am having these spiritual moments that I could achieve much more with my current position, believing in myself that it is my ecstatic period of my life would be all uphill from this point. There are going to be holy existential pinnacles, over and over again, in the coming years.

Today I make a dedication to Lim. I spent long years in reflection with striving, uplifted human being to discover what hidden potential that we might unlock in each other. I gained much. I did authentically believe that it would be a successful partnership, we would learn to make it work through many years. I was fear to live without it once because it simply means too much but having you later evolved out of it, I was deeply saddened and scared at the prospect that it is just not going to be what I hope it to be. I learnt that life can be just as fulfilling and may bring me to unimagined shores being myself, I will be at peace with my singularity. I woke up from a dream today, a nightmare it used to be, but I have a deeply restful night of sleep.

I am entering this age with nostalgia and delight, some regrets but much gratitude, and full of zest for the years to come. Thank you, those of you who have shared this journey with me, those who chose me and those who got stuck with me through life’s random assignment or karma or whatever has brought us together. You make it worthwhile. Dong, Tan, and Chow, your existences have propelled me to places that I could not have dreamed possible. I am spellbound by the magic of your wishes and the ever-building crescendo of my blessed life.

Twenty-six today, and it is the prime of my life.