逝去的爱

I hope this blog is not a downer, it could be very cathartic in some senses though.

Again, having recently moved into a new studio, I was thinking about what it means to miss someone. What is it about close proximity that heals the hole in our hearts that distance creates? Talking on the phone, seeing pictures, it all helps but nothing is the same as standing face to face, the same as hugs and kisses. So much of who we are is wrapped up in that need for closeness, both physical and emotional.

Few love stories began before, one happened at the right time, one not.

I have no advice to give or insight to impart. I have no illusion that writing this will help me, let alone anyone else, understand how people fall in love and stay in love. There is no redemption or even self-improvement to be garnered from reading this. And I certainly do not believe it will heal me, relieve my pain, or, provide closure.

Good love stories often require a coincidence or two. I am not good in taking the first move, so I need the coincidence that come into play. Initiative apparently, has been a violation of some fundamental principle to which I then tenaciously subscribed.

Then..

I always paint an evocative word picture of the first night we spent together, passionately when our eyes met ours, our hearts melded, and we foolishly, impetuously wild together for no other reason than our mutual admiration of each other.

Later, in any case, I sort of confronted them, they confessed, and we attached.

For some reasons, we broke up and they still love me in that point of time and asked for reunion. I rejected. Once a relationship ends in most cases both people move forward with their lives.

Having say so, I do have one who shows genuine concern on me by asking about me occasionally. Then the other, simply act as if mind your own business. It brings me the thought that, my decision is justified on the latter.

Last, I am still in contact with them after the break up and there are always a lot of mixed messages being bounced back, in which I was hoping it is actually bandied back and forth, but unfortunately not.

I do feel sorry for them. Does it mean it is a sign that I still love them? I constantly want to make things right in future if there is any chance and not just a simple apology.