Hectic research turns out to gratefulness to a special lady


This summer has been pretty much stuffed with research works, paper writing, post-processing results. In most circumstances, I have to buckle down, stay up in the lab, then read any relevant journals, even those that weren’t necessary, as much to find lousy papers I should avoid as praiseworthy ones I should emulate.

I have been working so hard that I hoped would someday pay off leading me to my dissertation. Getting into the final year of my research degree, I learned that a graduate education has its own neatly defined timeline, which won’t disappear however compelling your reasons for wishing it would.

Two possible extremes that might happen were playing tricks in my mind. I might be wildly productive, read voraciously, and produce many great results and at least a few good ideas. Or that I might grow wildly depressed, stew endlessly, and simmer alone in my room and not do a single thing, hang on… perhaps, Dota all day long.

I knew myself well enough to guess the second is not an absolute certainty; but I also know myself well enough to predict that even if put in the same situation again, emotional and slack side of me will delude myself into the second. Simply, a thoroughly rational man refuses to admit his impotence against emotion.

With so and so there lies anticipation- anticipation of a hiatus, physically, mentally or both.

Tonight there comes one, a perpetual anticipation to be precise. She shared, I tagged and she dedicated. Tremendous thank you to the special lady-Grace Ng I met on a train-cruising trip in Lopburi, Thailand!!

These greeting cards somehow free me from agitation, which in turn revel in the smile that portrayed in the face of poohs. I am indulging myself in the words and printing in the cards. I savour it as the greatest things since long.

Public Life versus Privacy in Blogging



My aim in writing publicly is not to brag about anything, but I use it as a tool for revolution. Every now and then when I write, I actually think, ponder and reflect upon myself on what was happened, and what is happening.

Blog is a place for me to express myself, what is hidden beneath my heart that is screaming to come out, a channel that helps me to dissipate feelings from my densely packed integrated soul.

Dilemmatically, I realized after I began this endeavor that some of what I might want to write about that I couldn’t could actually bandy much contention.

I do have an anonymous blog in which I exhaust my exhibitionist tendencies to share my deeper secrets and more risqué experiences without fear of those who need not know finding out information never meant for them. I am sure some of the folks out there are practising the same.

Nikon D90 vs Canon EOS7D

We all love toys. Some love expensive toys. I do love toys, both soft and hard. But nobody loves an expensive toy they never use.

People often think that carrying a DSLR everywhere with them is a heavy issue. I personally disagree so, having carrying a Nikon D90 to Melbourne, Bali, Bangkok, etc, I have never felt it as a burden at all, though it will never blend into the fabric of my life like a pocket camera will.


The gear in my hand is actually Nikon D3, captured by Nikon D90 though

Most serious photographers will tell you about two choices in the DSLR market: Nikon and Canon. Although companies like Olympus and Sony also make DSLRs, Nikon and Canon have such strong legacies in SLR photography that they have earned an unshakable amount of trust among professional photographers. Being an amateur, I am not one to question the conventional wisdom of professionals. Both are equally priced, equally equipped, and even take cues off each other in the feature department.

“Canons are the best cameras available designed by engineers, and Nikons are the best cameras one can buy designed by photographers.”

That probably explains why I should go for Canon now, engineer being. Model in my mind, Canon EOS7d, what do you think?

逝去的爱

I hope this blog is not a downer, it could be very cathartic in some senses though.

Again, having recently moved into a new studio, I was thinking about what it means to miss someone. What is it about close proximity that heals the hole in our hearts that distance creates? Talking on the phone, seeing pictures, it all helps but nothing is the same as standing face to face, the same as hugs and kisses. So much of who we are is wrapped up in that need for closeness, both physical and emotional.

Few love stories began before, one happened at the right time, one not.

I have no advice to give or insight to impart. I have no illusion that writing this will help me, let alone anyone else, understand how people fall in love and stay in love. There is no redemption or even self-improvement to be garnered from reading this. And I certainly do not believe it will heal me, relieve my pain, or, provide closure.

Good love stories often require a coincidence or two. I am not good in taking the first move, so I need the coincidence that come into play. Initiative apparently, has been a violation of some fundamental principle to which I then tenaciously subscribed.

Then..

I always paint an evocative word picture of the first night we spent together, passionately when our eyes met ours, our hearts melded, and we foolishly, impetuously wild together for no other reason than our mutual admiration of each other.

Later, in any case, I sort of confronted them, they confessed, and we attached.

For some reasons, we broke up and they still love me in that point of time and asked for reunion. I rejected. Once a relationship ends in most cases both people move forward with their lives.

Having say so, I do have one who shows genuine concern on me by asking about me occasionally. Then the other, simply act as if mind your own business. It brings me the thought that, my decision is justified on the latter.

Last, I am still in contact with them after the break up and there are always a lot of mixed messages being bounced back, in which I was hoping it is actually bandied back and forth, but unfortunately not.

I do feel sorry for them. Does it mean it is a sign that I still love them? I constantly want to make things right in future if there is any chance and not just a simple apology.

Oh my beloved blog in the name of Luvprada! Within past 3 days, it shows I have not abandoned you! I actually think of you far more often than is reasonable. I mean, if I am going to write, I should write. If I am not, I should not spend my time feeling guilty that I have not.

This summer thus far has been...revolutionary. Certainly, I am prone to bouts of personal revolution, in fact, I seem to not function well without them.

What has summer wrought upon me? I have moved from Warrane into a new studio, only realise afterwards that it is actually a psychological turmoil for me, being one who are mawkishly susceptible. Yes, I miss college life and people in the college, my easy reception job, anything. I nearly forget how annoying the guy who 拿著鸡毛当今箭 since he was promoted.

It has been 10 days, since I was “unemployed”, the fear of unemployment is permeating in.

The prevailing thought being, I have no more income for the next couple of months. It drives me nut.

Albeit being stranded in this difficult situation, I am attracted to Aesop products lately. I am thinking of getting few of them.



Anyone using these products?

I have become a devout member of sun cult. I am absolutely lethargic at the rising of the sun in the morning. I am tired and want to be asleep, when those brightest rays of light pour through my window as the sun creeps above the ridge line in the east, I am not up, but I am still up!

“The emerging jet from the orifice generated the clockwise vortex immediately downstream of the jet and at the same time it generated a small anticlockwise near the upper surface on the downstream side of the jet. Downstream of the impinging jet the motion is sustained by the jet and the remnant of the vortices from the previous cycle….”





Well, I do hate writing these technical things. It is squeezing out my brain juice. Looking at the velocity vectors pattern in certain timestep and I have to come up with these description of the flow characteristics, I am frazzled. This technical paper has been started quite some while ago and it is still uncompleted.

I seem to need so much sleep. Alas, I need to vent.

Then, I find myself plagued by what should I vent?

Mr. Warrane, I miss you.

So..

I have moved into a new studio, have a quiet, nonchalant life on my own.

No more cleaning, no more coffee club, no more interruption.

It should be the day I am anticipating, for months since the day I decided to move out from college. But somehow, these longing excitement, are overwhelmed by the sorrow of leaving the college I have been staying for 3 years plus.

I woke this morning and that phrase came to me as soon as I pulled back the curtain that covers my bedroom window to reveal the Randwick racecourse, the place I used to take my exams in my undergraduate years. A sense of dark nostalgia was piqued when I inhaled the crisp air out of the window.



Then..

When I got home this evening, I was struck with it again. I was struck by my sense of foreboding, by my sudden urge to turn on my new LCD TV to ward off the quiet. It felt premature.

It was almost 7o'clock in the evening, not an uncommon hour for me to have taken my dinner back in the college days.

Once more I felt a tinge of fear. It is heading into twilight and I was a lone human traversing isolated studio, only I felt I wasn't alone.

I turned off the TV and thought deeply as I sat down, the typical phenomenon of my over-active mind going into complete overdrive when there is no other verbal traffic to interfere, and pondered why the my arrival in UNSW village necessitated I feel this sneaking sense of dread.

Was fearing staying alone an evolutionary imperative that assured me to put up a week's worth of food so I would need not to worry of starving and I was tapping into some quiescent remnant of that instinct that I no longer need having access to grocery stores, at most just once a week.

This is just the beginning..