Tuesday, November 27, 2012

十一月,我们再度相遇


在飞机上发呆了好一阵子,脑中浮起的皆是你的面容样子 高空上,掺着淡淡的忧伤,弥漫在乘客沉睡的打呼声。寂寥的漫长旅程,被遗憾掏空的心绪,盘旋在这个小小空间里。手机播放着阿黛勒伤感歌曲,周而复始不间断地在嘶哑。
 三天之旅确实短暂,但也非常充分,一切的一切仿佛如昨,清晰般的在我心底一帧一帧的放映。想了好几天,打底我是被你的什么深深吸引,肉体,样子,还是你的个性?

我喜欢你的年轻热血,和你做伴给我的是当年不曾拥有的两小无猜情愫,也是我向往如「孽子」,「十七岁的天空」里的纯爱。在你身上我可以找到那个感觉,和你做伴旅行我尝到那一份青涩。

从见面,过夜,登机,旅行到回国的78小时,我们几乎没离开过,记忆也贪婪地收藏你的一举一动。某夜我跟你分享了我不为人知的一些秘密,想要你对我更深一层的了解,你也告知了一些你的过去感情。有想过若我在早前认识你,估计随手可得,可是我喜欢的是现在略带理性的你。

走在你旁边,我尝试到了从未有的失焦,一度让我茫然,有种黄叶飘落的感觉。而我其实也不在乎,只是紧紧跟随,紧捉住偶然的身体碰触机会。跟你走在路上有种狐假虎威的感觉,类似当年和查斯明的影子。看是飘落,不是飘落,是一段又一段走近又走远的流年,是一场又一场心悸而又身不由己的邂逅。
好几夜的共眠,我并没捕捉到你的呼吸,也没感受到你的体温。我们中间仿佛隔了一片大海,两人睡在大床有着一些距离,中间的空隙感觉是那么遥远,几度从梦中醒来,感觉却是醒在梦中。难得的同床却也是难免的异梦。

我努力地把现在的感觉陈述出来,我不想重滔复则地把你完美化,毕竟曾经有过一个让我悲痛三个月的曹慧,而对你是仅次于当年对曹慧的眷恋。 我明白两者都已成过往,曾有的一切如云烟飘散不会重现。但我就是这样,生活可以单调,情感方面总是追求刺激,纵使跌得再痛,我还是放纵自己去陶醉地享受跌之前的刺激感。

迈进悉尼,划落一声萧索的叹息,回到现实,一切好像发了一场梦,愿这场梦淹没在苍凉的高空里,从此,各自天涯,安好



Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Returning trip to Sekinchan

Growing up in a small town to where I am now residing in a vibrant city, I have been given the opportunity to enjoy and reflect on a different type of life. Saying there is a difference between living with a few thousand people and a few million is nothing short of a huge understatement. And I really feel this when coming back to my home town again.


Over the past few days, I traveled back to where I grew up and met up with friend long past. Needless to say, the time was well spent and helped bring me back to what really matters in life: those personal connections to friends, family, and places you grow up and live in.

One key thing I noticed was the sense of tranquillity I felt when I returned home. Even though the town has evolved (plenty new stores, a few old ones gone), it was largely the same. This commitment to tradition and local longevity is incredibly satisfying. True, if I had lived here the entire time, it may be not liveable at this point, but for a weary traveller coming back home after an extended period of time, the feeling of tradition and nostalgia was very welcomed.

Among other things, this helped promote a sense of durability and stability among what I know is true and right. It helps reinforce the way one looks at the world, assuring them that although the world is always changing, there are constants throughout it, providing us anchors for mental balance and strength. It provides a sense of sustainability, not unlike recycling.

The relationship with the town, though, is just one side of the coin. The people are what really matter – they are the ones who provide us with the connotation for the very life we lived. Among the most nostalgic feelings are those I get when visiting old friends. Memories begin to flash back, good times passed are chatted about, and those embarrassing incidents can now be laughed at – thankfully. More importantly, though, meeting up with old friend gives me the opportunity to sit and reflect on the person we have become. Sometimes, one won’t change at all – they will look the same and have the same sense of humour. Other times, though, you won’t even recognize the kid you lived down the street from and played with for many years.

These new experiences with old friends help define the people we are today. It puts our evolving personality into perspective and old friends are never hesitant to point out how you’ve grown and matured.

Today is my 4th day returning to my hometown, spent the day writing this post as well as working on the ECR grant application for 2013.